The rebound was off, so I modified the damping. But then the elastomers were too dense, so I changed the oil and got rid of the stiction
(I have a new suspension fork and you don’t!) 

If you’re a good bike handler, you don’t need to wear a helmet
(I’m so stupid a brain injury wouldn’t affect me) 

Nobody needs a dual-suspension mountain bike
(I can’t afford a dual-suspension mountain bike) 

Dual suspension is the only way to go
(I just dropped 3 months’ salary on a dual-suspension mountain bike) 

If you don’t crash, you’re not going fast enough, dude!
(I crash a lot) 

I don’t own a car
(I’m a better person than you) 

Why doesn’t somebody do something about all these potholes ?
(Why doesn’t somebody else do something about all these potholes?) 

I do all my own bike maintenance
(When I squeeze the front brake lever, the bike shifts gears) 

Thanks for waiting
(Wipe that smug grin off your ugly face) 

This section of trail looks doable
(You first, sucker) 

I want to ride my bike to work, but…
(I don’t want to ride my bike to work)

Well, let’s take it easy today.
(Ready, set go!) 

Hold on, there’s something wrong with my bike.
(Let’s stop so I can rest) 

I think I broke my arm.
(There’s a little bruise on my arm and I don’t want to ride anymore) 

Last one down is buying.
(I’ll make you feel like a loser and get a free beer too!)